Hospitality or HOSTILE-ality?

Ever been caught in the whirlwind of dinner reservation gone rogue? You’re not alone. Today, we're pulling back the curtain on dining debacles and the hilarity of restaurant rules that'll have you wondering if you're eating out or signing your life away. Mary recounts an evening that spiraled into the realm of the absurd at a posh lakeside eatery and introduces you to the term "rich tits."  And just when you think it couldn't get more bizarre, we tackle the comedy and sometimes headache-inducing drama of splitting bills and the peculiarities of customer service encounters in the restaurant world.

Kindness isn't just a word; it's a heartfelt action that can change the course of someone's day—or even life. In this episode, we share the warmth of human generosity, from a surprise act of benevolence at Cheers in Boston to a simple, yet profound act of paying it forward that taught the invaluable lesson of goodwill. As we spin these yarns, you'll see how these moments of grace weave into the larger fabric of our humanity, reminding us of the ripple effect one good deed can have.

But life isn’t all chicken wings and charity; it's also about standing up for yourself and navigating the sometimes frustrating pursuit of employment in a post-COVID-19 world. We candidly discuss the ghosting phenomenon by potential employers, the art of holding onto your integrity in business deals gone south, and the importance of setting personal rules of engagement in our interactions. It's a candid reflection on the importance of communication and forgiveness as we stumble, pick ourselves back up, and boil another pot of tea. Join us for a chat that's sure to serve up equal parts reflection, connection, and a dash of good humor.

Grab a warm drink and join us- we saved a seat for you. Don't forget to stay updated with Spill the TEA by following us on Facebook at Women Gathering and Growing with TEA or on Instagram at Grow with TEA.

Transcript

Kerri: 0:00

All right, welcome back everyone to Spill the Tea. If you are like me, you have been waiting all month before Mary to spill the tea on her hostile tell-a-tea story. So, mary, I am throwing it to you and you are spilling.

Mary: 0:22

You know, normally in these circumstances I'd say, oh gosh, I hope I didn't build up. But it really is a good story and I think you're gonna be shocked by what happened. She's still building it up. Yes, I am. Just in case you didn't tune in to the last recording.

Mary: 0:40

I do a monthly supper club with people that I have worked with who are now friends. All of them are retired, except for me. We decide on a restaurant every month to attend, and so we decided to go to this. I would call it a higher end restaurant. It's on Lake, but keep in mind, it's winter, it's in the off season, but it is a higher end restaurant. We all arrive at different times.

Mary: 1:06

I'm leaving work and then, you know, people arrive at their leisure. It's 4.30, the doors don't open until 4.30. And so I see my two friends walk in. So as I walk in, they are chatting it up with the host and he seems a little frazzled. He's looking for this paperwork. They turn to me and say, oh, did anyone make a reservation? And I said I didn't. I never do because I figure I'm working. You guys are retired, you can make the reservation for us and these two people. They live in the town near me and they said well, usually it's the closest person to the restaurant that has to make the reservation, you know so clearly no one has made a reservation.

Mary: 1:47

And so the host is looking for this paper and because I think he wants to read off of it. Now, there's rules. There's rules about, I guess, the rules of engagement. So we should have made a reservation. We did not, that's clear. But we also don't know how many are coming. And so he finally finds this piece of paper. These things aren't unfamiliar to me. If there's eight or more in your party, they will not divide the checkout. It's gonna be one check, even though I've experienced that before it. Usually if we have to go through that, we won't go to that restaurant again. So we're like, oh, this might make the list. I'm already thinking that. And so he goes on to read and says if it's eight or more, gratuity is automatic. Okay, fine, we understand that. He says you can't change your reservation, you can't add people. Okay, we didn't make a reservation, so that's fine. Finally, he hands me the paper and says will you please sign this?

Kerri: 2:52

This says all of that, yes.

Mary: 2:56

And I have to sign. So, um, you're just taking the door like by the host At the host, yes, yes, and our people haven't arrived yet. And so I'm texting oh my God, are you people arriving? We don't know how many we have. Is ad coming? He sometimes blows us off and doesn't come. So Keith and Donna turned to me and they said I'm not signing that. I'm like I guess I'll sign it. I'm thinking why am I signing this? What are you doing with it? Yeah, if, at the end of my meal with you, are you going to whip out this sign and say you agreed that the bill wasn't going to be divided? I don't know. And you signed it.

Kerri: 3:40

You didn't even give him, like, your credit card info or anything Like. Is it a binding contract?

Mary: 3:46

Right. So then he asked for a phone number and Keith gave his phone number. He said this will just be helpful when you call to make a reservation. Ha ha, like in the future, in the future, yeah, it makes it easier so that they can take the reservation through the phone number, I guess.

Tracy: 4:05

So are they using a service like a Rezi or something that has all these disclaimers that if you had used it, you would have had to like check the box?

Mary: 4:14

I don't know. He didn't say that they were using a scheduling software. Wow.

Tracy: 4:23

Have you ever had that? I was new at his job and like very or maybe he was in performance improvement and for not saying that, so he needed evidence for his raise.

Mary: 4:39

Or I've heard about this, all the scenarios I'm wondering. Yes, I have lots of stories that I'm telling myself. I'm thinking that the wait staff that might get upset with the host if he is not clear and then, because they get set up for a confrontation, right Another story I'm making up is how horrible are these customers that they needed to make up these rules and make people sign them. I'm telling you they are rich tits that come here. They are Lake people. They are rich tits, rich tits.

Tracy: 5:19

Did that word come from supper club.

Mary: 5:23

That came from Yvonne.

Kerri: 5:27

I have never heard that phrase in my life. I'm not sure I want to hear it again.

Tracy: 5:35

I want rich tits, I'm just kidding, my are rich Would you like to know the origin story of that?

Mary: 5:44

Of course, I don't know where the phrase came up, but I thought Yvonne has really nice tits, oh. So when we would drive out of Olien and it's that I don't know which exit you know by the hospital, and so now we're headed home and up there are those mansions up on the hill up there. I don't know what neighborhood that's called, but we would say, hey, mom who lives up there, she goes. Those are the rich tits.

Laura: 6:20

The one you saw from the road was Vignanos. Oh, okay.

Mary: 6:24

They were right.

Laura: 6:25

That's the one.

Mary: 6:27

That's.

Laura: 6:27

Rich.

Mary: 6:27

Titty Right there.

Tracy: 6:29

Those are rich tits.

Mary: 6:32

So the story. I'm just wondering what is happening within the industry that rises to this level of relationship with customer.

Laura: 6:43

Did you sign it? I did.

Mary: 6:46

Did you ask for a copy? No, I should have at least taken a picture. I wish if I grew up having a cell phone, I think I would be more inclined to do those kinds of things?

Laura: 6:57

Did you sign your actual?

Mary: 6:58

name or did you sign and?

Tracy: 7:00

it was legible, allora would have made somebody's name up.

Kerri: 7:05

I have some clarifying questions.

Mary: 7:07

Okay, I hope I have answers, because I missed a few things.

Kerri: 7:12

So the guy had. First of all, he's obviously Type A, he was following some sort of rules, it sounds like to me. But he had you sign something. Was it like an official document or was it some like little piece of paper? He found and was like, oh my God, this is what I need to do. These are the rules. I must follow them. I'm going to make her sign this random piece of paper because I want to be able to tell my boss I read exactly what was on here to her. Or was it an official form with a signature line?

Mary: 7:44

There was no signature line. It was a full page paper. I did not verify and read above because I made the assumption that what he had read off to us is what I was signing. And there was no signature line.

Tracy: 8:01

Do you have all your kidneys after eating there, like you have all your parts, right?

Mary: 8:07

You know how I don't like open space. I would have preferred a line. Yeah, was the food that good? So just to like set the scene. It's a Wednesday night at 4.30. We ended up being there was another couple in the dining area and then the rest was at the bar. There was like four people at the bar. It wasn't even busy. So I'm really limited on what I can eat, what I choose to eat, I should say, because I don't eat meat. So, oh, I got mac and cheese. It was okay, I prefer my homemade mac and cheese to this, but it had some nice crisp and normally I would bring home chicken wings to Carl. There's a whole.

Mary: 8:51

We can talk about the rules of chicken wings. I can talk about that as well, about takeout and what you're allowed and not allowed to do, and you'll be shocked. Okay, so they didn't have chicken wings. Like there were some things that you could only order from the bar. There was like bar food, like fish tacos, like the people we were with Donna. She said, oh, I see they had a sign for fish tacos. And then she comes back and says, oh, evidently you can only get those if you're seated at the bar, is that?

Jodie: 9:20

normal.

Tracy: 9:21

I don't know. I can see not getting like a dinner at the bar. I guess I could understand that because it's big. But why couldn't? You get that bar appetizer at your table.

Kerri: 9:32

I don't know. That is weird. I'm wondering, though, laura you work someplace where they take reservations, so I'm wondering they don't take reservations? Oh no, they don't do that, Not they refuse to.

Laura: 9:44

because so many people, We'll make a reservation and show up early, show up late. More people, less people. We do not do reservations, they do heads up. Couple of weeks ago they had a heads up for a party of like 25. So they left like two girl sections empty. Right, I mean they don't do reservations, but they left it empty. Did they show how?

Laura: 10:09

many they showed it started getting busy and then they had a guy with a party of six and it was just him and another woman sat down at around table ordered an appetizer and he was there like an hour waiting for people On the meanwhile there was a party of 12 up front that came in that they had to seat because they have all these tables. Turns out the party of 12, the party of 25 and the party of six were all the same people. Nobody was on the same thing. They tied up the restaurant for over an hour with all these random tables and they're only ended up being like 12 people.

Kerri: 10:46

So I'm wondering, mary, in the case of the place you went, if they're exclusively a reservation. Maybe they had. They panicked because they thought they weren't gonna have enough staff, and so maybe that guy was thinking I've got to call in more staff to serve this amount of people because we only have the guy in the bar making food.

Mary: 11:08

That could be a true story.

Tracy: 11:10

But that were the case. I mean, I've been in full bars. They just give you a heads up that make food.

Mary: 11:19

Or they could have denied us. We could have just gone to a different. They could have said well, we can't accommodate you. As it turns out, we did not have eight, we had seven people because Ed was a no show and they divided the checks and it was lovely. But see, the last time we were at a restaurant that had that requirement I think it was over four they would not split the check.

Mary: 11:45

I think I'm the youngest person there, at 49, and I pay with credit card and everybody else uses cash. And so I arrive and I don't have any cash to contribute to the group bill. And so then it's. I have to say, well, I'll put it on my credit card. And then it becomes this shit show of cash flowing, because who carries the exact amount of cash that you need? I need a till, I need ones, and fives and tens and twenties to pay my bill, and pennies and quarters Are they including the tip in there? Anyway, it becomes a shit show. And then we're like we're never going there again. To the pierogi place, I'll say that they were very good pierogies, I will say that, but we're like, nope, never again.

Laura: 12:37

You guys really picked some winners.

Mary: 12:40

We like to move around in the vicinity of Geneseo. I'll share the story of chicken wings, because I take them home to Carl and I've come to learn that if it's a chicken wing night, that they have deals, they won't let you do takeout. I accept that, that is fine, so I will. On the side, I'll just say this is what I like to do. If you need to charge me the full price of chicken wings, I'm fine with that. I just want to be able to bring home chicken wings. But we go to this one place. It will go unnamed like the other place, and we will never go there again. And they say you order the number you're going to eat. You are not allowed to take any with you. If you eat to five of the six you ordered, you may not take the one, and I'm so wasteful. Yeah, oh, but you did.

Tracy: 13:34

That's so wasteful and you have to pay for the ones you don't eat.

Mary: 13:37

Yes, and you cannot take them.

Kerri: 13:40

That does not seem right.

Mary: 13:42

I think we happen to have gone on the deal night and so there were no other deals.

Kerri: 13:48

Like I couldn't, you couldn't even say please charge me full price. No, no.

Mary: 13:54

That's the.

Jodie: 13:55

Your own baggy.

Mary: 13:56

I think probably that's what people would do, but I think they would look for the bones. I bet they would count the bones. Oh my God, I bet they do so weird, where are the six bones? It?

Tracy: 14:10

reminds me of the old ladies at Pizza Hut At the buffet that would wrap pizza and put them in their purses.

Kerri: 14:17

Oh, my God.

Mary: 14:20

No, it's hostility.

Tracy: 14:23

I don't know. I got it. So we went to. I'll call this one out because it's a chain. We went to Red Lobster for Scott's mom's birthday. It's just her favorite. It's her ride or die. She'd come to Charleston and go to Red Lobster. So those biscuits, Cheddar biscuits.

Tracy: 14:41

You know what? I can't deny that those biscuits are not the best thing ever. Yes, so we go to one up here. You know it's nice, we're having a nice dinner. We're a big group Because, you know, we have lots of kids and a bunch of them came with us. So we're sitting there and we're waiting. You know they bring their drinks and biscuits and we're waiting for our meal. Person storms out of the kitchen we were close enough to the kitchen and the door sticks open and they are screaming bloody murder at each other Like F-bombs, F-bombs. And then the person goes back in and is like and then more F-bombs. And we're all like sitting there with our jaws dropped awkwardly, like does somebody intervene? Do we have to intervene? Like is everybody in there, okay?

Mary: 15:27

Is this workplace violence?

Tracy: 15:30

So then this person storms out and you know they just quit their job, right. They storm out F this F, this place, f the world. So we think it's settled down a little bit right. We're still a little worried about getting our food. And then our waitress comes over and we like tea. He about it and she tea. He's a little bit, and if she's tea heing, oh my goodness, if that kitchen doesn't erupt again with more F-bombs and people screaming at each other. It was like the most stressful and I just have my biscuits.

Mary: 16:03

While I watch, I know we're waiting popcorn for this.

Tracy: 16:09

It's too like who intervenes, and I know that can happen anywhere at any time. It just happened to happen to us at a restaurant and we were bystanders.

Mary: 16:20

So it finally just settled down.

Tracy: 16:23

I think another person was asked to leave, but they did not come out the front. Oh, okay, yeah.

Kerri: 16:30

Did anybody like come around and just say like I'm very sorry for what you experienced?

Tracy: 16:37

Our waitress was like tea, heing about it, but it wasn't like like I would expect a host or host just to come around. I'm so sorry. Can we do something to make this a little? You know Dessert's on us tonight. Yes, here's your lava cake. Yeah, be afraid, we'll sing you happy birthday, wow. Yeah, we didn't say for the lava cake or happy birthday either. We were like, okay, let's finish what we can finish here.

Mary: 17:04

Let's hope no one's fit in our food. Hostile, hostile, yes, that is, that's perfect hostility. Oh my gosh.

Kerri: 17:14

So well, we've had a whole month to think about this and I was trying to think like if I've been in our restaurant and had anything really weird happen, and I couldn't really think of anything like nothing out of the ordinary. But I wanted to share this because this is a good story and we're sharing a lot of like weird things. This is the weirdest thing that happened to me in a restaurant. Porst and I were in the Texas hot, which is like a local diner here where I live, and you know we had our meal and everything was fine. And the waitress was like more than once she asked us if we'd like anything else and I was like no, we're good. Like bring me my check. You know what I mean. She's like are you sure? And I was like yeah, I'm just gonna finish this and we'll be ready to go.

Kerri: 17:58

I think I had, like you know, coke or something I was drinking, and she came back about when she realized I finished my drink and said I just want you to know that someone paid for your meal. You guys are free to go. Oh, and if you know the Texas hot, it's just like an open area. There's booths, people, there's a bar of people sitting at the bar and Porst and I just looked at each other and kind of like, slowly got up because we were ready to leave, but it felt really weird to walk out without paying and we just kind of like I kind of like scanned, like do I know anyone here? And Forrest, and I just looked at each other and we were like thank you.

Laura: 18:45

To the universe. You know what I hate about that, though is not every time when that happens, like you don't know, like do you tip the waitress? Did they cover it? Did they not cover it? Like you know what I mean, and how do you even think that person Right, yeah, we were at a conference.

Tracy: 19:03

We were in Boston a couple of months ago and we went to Cheers and of course you go to like a touristy thing like that and you order big. So there was like six of us and it was. We were all wearing boys and girls clubs stuff. That's my day jobs at the boys and girls clubs. We're teaching and chit, chatting and laughing and enjoying our meal. And then, as we got ready to leave, the waiter waitor said to us you know, that gentleman over there just paid your bill and wanted me to tell you thank you for all that you do. And now that was gonna be a bill.

Tracy: 19:35

It was like six people at Cheers. We had like two to three rounds of drinks, appetizers and meals, yeah, so then we're all like, oh, my goodness, I hope we were. You know we were representing ourselves. Well, yeah, are we worthy of this? You lost it on if someone paid. Yes, but he did point the person out. So I mean we went over and shook his hands. It's tight in there If you've ever eaten in there, so it's hard to get through. But a couple of us went over and just said hey, thank you really appreciate your support. Like you said, laura, I left there thinking oh my gosh, I hope that they tipped. I hope they tipped well.

Kerri: 20:13

I have done that for someone else and I will say that I did tip Thinking of that moment. When that happened to me again, forrest and I were in Watkins Glen, actually at a restaurant. Watkins Glen makes me think of my parents and my dad. My dad used to go up every year. There was some I don't know if it's like fundraiser has had something to do with kids and every year my dad would put a kid with special needs in his car and they would ride around the track. So Watkins Glen always makes me think of my dad in that event, because it was really special to him.

Kerri: 20:46

So we're at this restaurant on the lake and Forrest and I are eating and it's really busy in there.

Kerri: 20:51

It's the middle of the summer, it's boiling hot out and we're sitting on the dock like in the sun and I'm like sweating I know I'm getting sunburnt sitting there and we see this guy walk in, this older gentleman who has his white sneakers on a pair of shorts and his socks pulled up over his ankle like to the middle of his caps. I said to Forrest that guy reminds me of grandpa, my dad I just watched him was sitting there eating alone and I just thought I either wanted to go sit down with him and eat a meal with him or I was gonna pay for his meal. Like one of the two things was gonna happen and Forrest was like we are not going to sit down with him and I was like, okay, well, I'm paying for his bill. So I asked the waitress if I could pay for that person's you know meal and after he ordered, she brought me his bill and I paid it with a tip, a good tip.

Tracy: 21:51

That's awesome.

Kerri: 21:52

That's so cool, carrie, I've been thinking about having to pay that forward, so yeah, it felt good and I've, you know, like even saying it now, like I don't care if that goes out on this podcast, I'm not telling it to like Right it felt good. It feels good to do that, yeah, and it felt good to do it in front of my son, like this is what you do when you can. You know what I mean. Yeah, when you can pay it forward, you should. So.

Mary: 22:18

Yeah Well, I like how this conversation has turned from hospitality back to hospital. Now I can't say it right.

Mary: 22:27

Hospitality, hospitality. So I had an experience Stephanie Erica, myself and this other couple, stephanie Erica and I, were single, but we signed up for the V, mine with wine, wine tour over on Kiyuga Lake Obviously a wine tour, and it was paired with food, yada, yada, and it ended up I'm forgetting the winery. Who does sweet Walter, Sweet Walter, billy Hill. Billy Hill I like to think of was Hillbillies, yeah. So if you've ever been to Billy Hill very entertaining winery there and you know you're doing cheers and we were having a lot of fun. We went out to eat afterwards and the owner's son joined us for the meal. We must have interacted with him up on the tour. I just don't have a recollection of just how, why.

Mary: 23:26

I don't know. Because we are absolutely delightful when we've been drinking. So he joined us for the meal and he paid for the meal and he said as long as you get the tip. That's how that happened. It was really cool that he was so generous. So that was a lot of people. I don't know if it met the standard for eight plus, but one, two, three, four, five, six of us. Okay.

Kerri: 23:56

So the other thing that I was thinking about when I was getting ready to come on today and talk about this was the whole Taylor Swift, travis Kelsey, football, super Bowl, people's opinions, and it's hostile out there, the whole situation. There are people that are okay with it and people that are not okay with it, and I thought we should talk about it. So I'm curious what y'all think.

Tracy: 24:28

I think that anybody who has a little girl in their house that sees people fucking negatively about a woman interacting with sports is impeding young women's desire to participate in sports or to be a piano sport. I think it's a bad job, people being not nice.

Mary: 24:49

Well said, tracy, I know.

Kerri: 24:55

What do you guys think, laura?

Laura: 24:56

Jodi. Well, my view is is you have this woman who has, like, sold record numbers of music. She's incredible as a person, Like what she does and how hard she's worked to get where she's at. Her brand is incredible you may not like it.

Laura: 25:16

It doesn't matter if you like it or not, but why would we knock a powerful woman? Why would we praise a powerful woman and say good job, you don't have to love somebody Like? You might not like her music, you might not like what she stands for, but she's doing it and she's making it Like no other woman ever has. It's sad to see other women knocking her down.

Tracy: 25:44

We need to be better to each other.

Laura: 25:46

You need to be a better person.

Kerri: 25:49

What I got caught up in thinking about is I listen to Taylor Swift music. I'm not whatever a Swiftie. I've never been to a concert, I probably never will, but I don't hate her music and when I hear it I'll bebop along to it, and I definitely am not a football fan. So you know all those things in perspective. But it seems like this sweet little love story that's happening. Like are people so opposed to seeing people happy that they have to cut it down? Like I don't get it at all. Like maybe their relationship will not last and it'll be whatever. But for the moment it seems like this sweet little story and it seems like there's so much negative crap. But people would rather you know, I don't know hear a bunch of negative stuff than see something good.

Jodie: 26:45

I think that has to do with the fact that Kansas City beat our bills again, and so maybe, instead of placing the like you can't hate the bills right, they did their best. The bird hostility, that, yes, the anger somewhere.

Tracy: 27:04

So I'd love to believe that, jodie, if it was just a buffalo. But I think, holy shit. Unless, like you believe that everybody are Bill's fans, which I I could believe that too.

Kerri: 27:18

I just find like that whole thing amusing, that being like just taking it out on her Like I don't know, I just yeah, wasting their energy. Like what is that?

Mary: 27:30

doing for you. It takes effort to be angry like that, yeah.

Laura: 27:38

When you first talked this up, carrie, when you first put it up, I thought you were talking about the first quarter and him throwing it. I just see that. Yeah, he had to get the punch from him. He got the coach's face. I thought that that's where you were going with this.

Tracy: 27:55

Can you imagine if she behaved? I just want to say, can you imagine if she behaved that way on tour, like in a roadie, or got you know videotaped behaving that way to her manager, the difference in the conversation we would be having?

Mary: 28:11

That's a good point. It's a double standard.

Tracy: 28:15

It is very much a double standard. She has held too much higher standards than oh yes.

Kerri: 28:21

I don't know. I just I find the whole thing interesting. Like I don't want to spend a lot of time like of my life worrying about the two of them, but I find the whole Like. The people I see that are like complaining about Taylor Swift. People are, you know, like playing drinking games every time the camera pans. I don't even have cable so I can't. I didn't watch the Super Bowl, I don't watch football at all, but I hear that people are playing drinking games. Every time the camera pans to her, they take a drink. Like I don't know, is it really that what's happening? Is that happening.

Tracy: 28:58

I think we have to wear a lot here, but it would be like, okay, if we have the retreat and Wabby comes to our retreat, do you think we're? Not going to take pictures with her. That would be silly, right.

Kerri: 29:13

Oh, I agree, that would be absolute nonsense.

Tracy: 29:15

Yeah, unless it was Wabby. You do choose to come and you want us to sign like an NDA. We will.

Mary: 29:24

Yes, I will pretend that I don't know you and I will ignore you and I'll make it uncomfortable. I'll uncomfortably ignore you. I will turn away from you when you speak to me.

Kerri: 29:42

I don't know, the whole thing is just. I think it's interesting.

Tracy: 29:45

I think it's. Yeah, it definitely is a sociology experiment, isn't it? Yeah, can I tell you what weird thing happened to me yesterday? Yes, okay, so yesterday would have been Valentine's Day. Today is the day after Valentine's Day and I wanted to stop and get Scott some. He has some candy. He's big candy freak, so I wanted to get him a bunch of different kinds of gummies. So I stopped and, of course, it is super busy. There is a very long line and there's this old couple in there that's in the candy aisle that I'm in and they're talking really, really loud and I'm just trying to get in and get out. So I go stand in the line and I'm thinking isn't this worth it? Do I really need this candy? I really, it would make him so happy. So I'm doing this in my head, right, but still wanting to be out of there, and the old couple ends up behind me and he cannot whisper. And if you know anything about Scott, scott can't whisper. So I was like, oh, that's so sweet, that's cute.

Tracy: 30:44

This is going to be us. I thought that exact same thing, Mary, until the gentleman said, hey, can I spank?

Laura: 30:50

you. Thank you, leader, and you knew that that was you guys. Come on.

Tracy: 30:59

She, she bats at him and then keeps talking about the trip that they're going to have. She's, like you know, talking about the itinerary. And he's like, yes, ma'am, and her, and okay, yep, yep, yep, we're going to do that. And then he leans down and he's behind me. He leans down like he's whispering even more. It says but you know, I'm going to spank you, right? Oh, my God, love it.

Kerri: 31:27

Oh, I love that People should love. Love yes.

Tracy: 31:34

They had to have been like. They weren't even in their seventies. They had to have been like in their eighties.

Jodie: 31:38

They were, they were oh.

Tracy: 31:40

I love it. You just don't want him to hurt her. If he's being sorry.

Mary: 31:47

I'm sure he's not wielding a lot of strength behind his chicken wing arms. I've already pictured them. He has chicken wing arms.

Kerri: 31:59

Her rich kids are a lot better.

Tracy: 32:03

Her golf ball, and then the tube socks.

Kerri: 32:10

She'll wet them with water. I love them, whoever they are, candy.

Mary: 32:13

Island.

Kerri: 32:15

I'm so happy for you, yes.

Laura: 32:19

At least you have better luck in the dollar store. I went to the dollar store the other day it was Odds birthday and I didn't get him a card and I'm like I've got this boot on my foot or a walking shoe and I can't get around very well. I was like I'm going to go to the dollar general it's easier in the cards or just right there I'll go in, grab a card, run out, have a lint or whatever. So I get there and there's a couple of people hanging out smoking cigarettes outside and I'm like they look like they're homeless and I go in, get the card and I stand at the register and I'm waiting. I'm like there's nobody around, like there's no workers, and I look down and I look down at another and I'm like I don't want to hobble anymore but I really just want to pay for my card and go.

Laura: 33:05

Turns out those two people outside had to finish their cigarette before they could come back in and wait on me. No employees in the whole store. They were outside smoking a cigarette. What has happened since? When do you get to finish smoking your cigarette before you wait on your customers? They're leaving the whole store unattended. The whole store was unattended.

Kerri: 33:33

I have to say, though, that, like that, and like things are weird in the world right now, and like all sorts of different aspects of work.

Tracy: 33:44

Did we lose social skills or something over COVID? I don't know what.

Mary: 33:48

I don't know.

Kerri: 33:51

Just applying for work right now in the world is a weird atmosphere. Like no longer do employers feel the need to even respond to the fact that they've received and or are not considering your application. There's no timeliness to following up either about the interview post interview. Like it's a weird world. I don't understand it. Yeah, it's happening out there.

Tracy: 34:24

Yeah, I don't understand either. I definitely think it's odd, since there's so many openings.

Laura: 34:32

They say there's openings, but are they hiring?

Tracy: 34:35

Right.

Mary: 34:37

They're hiring having a very busy or some amount of time.

Mary: 34:40

So there was a period of time when there was a shift in the relationship between businesses and job seekers where, for the longest time, the businesses kind of ruled the roost with how they operated because they had choices for candidates, and then switched in this period of time as we came out of COVID, where the power was really in the jobs, with the job seekers. So perhaps that period of time has now ended up, because and it may be the time of year also, consider that because things slow down. No, this is a, this is a Department of Labor thing that we were just talking about at our staff meeting that things slow down, businesses lay off and they hold off on hiring, and so it's just a seasonal thing, and then things will pick up in the springtime.

Tracy: 35:36

I don't know.

Mary: 35:37

I feel like I've been in this work for well, doing this very thing employment counseling for 14 years and, of course, our experience at Accord with, I guess, being on the business end of things, but these are like the same complaints that we would get 14 years ago about employers not contacting you back. I feel like it's just the same old vitriol of people just not being. I think it's basic decency. That's what I think. You know my phrase under promise over deliver. So I would not be living within my values if I were to leave somebody hanging.

Kerri: 36:13

Yeah, it's just a weird time. I had applied for a job and about it would have been about a week since I had applied, but someone reached out to me on a Saturday via text message and asked me if I would do a phone interview the following week and I agreed to it and I took the interview during my lunch period and that's when I scheduled it, for I have a half hour for lunch at work and I thought I'm just going to take an extra half hour. I'm going to use some leave time so I have a whole hour. I'll take some time before and after just to like get myself ready for the phone interview, have the phone interview decompress, go back to work. And so I came home and I'm just like ready for them to call me, you know, and have this phone interview.

Kerri: 36:58

They ghosted me like I have heard of it in reverse employees ghosting employers. But this was an employer who ghosted me and so I waited like 20 minutes. Now I'm like I cared enough about this to take time off, to use my time to spend it with you, and you didn't even call. So I followed up with a text message and said, hey, I'm still interested in this position. I had it down that we were supposed to speak via phone today at such and such a time. If I got it wrong which I knew I did not because I had it in a text message I'm available for the rest of the day is what I said. The response I got was a couple. I don't know how long after, but they responded and said oh, I'm so sorry, I got caught up in payroll week and I got caught up in processing payroll. That sounds good. That's it. That sounds good, exactly so. I was like I didn't even respond and I just thought what the heck just happened. What kind of world.

Kerri: 38:15

And then, about three weeks later, I finally get an email. You were not selected and I thought wait, I was not selected for the position. I wasn't interviewed for the position. Yes, and you know how shady that feels. I felt like calling the CEO of the corporation and saying I just want to tell you a little bit about your hiring practices. But I was like you know what? No, I don't. I don't even want to work there now. They've showed who they are. I don't care, continue on. You are now a no, I will never apply with you again. You wasted my time and I don't want to work for someone who does that.

Mary: 38:58

People show themselves all the time, don't they?

Tracy: 39:01

So I don't think it's just in hospitality, I think it's across the board.

Laura: 39:05

I think it is. I feel like back in the day. I mean we're at that age where, like any job you had, your employer treated you like you should be grateful that we're giving you a job. And now I feel like the employees are like you should be grateful that I even want to work here. It's just such a weird look at it. They don't care, they're not putting themselves out there, they're not giving 100% Like I don't get it. Yeah, they want minimum wage raise, but they're not even given a minimum effort. It's a weird world out there.

Kerri: 39:43

That's all I can say.

Jodie: 39:45

I remember I took someone's money and they thanked me and I said you're welcome. And I got ripped a new one from my manager saying you always thank them. They are here spending their money allowing you to have this job, no matter what they say. If they say thank you, you say no, thank you. You always thank them and that always resonated with me and I've always done that. And now I go in to get food and I say thank you and they go yep, no. So I say to myself okay, don't say thank you this time. Make them say thank you. And they never do.

Jodie: 40:19

I was going to just give up. I was getting so frustrated and then I had to stop myself and say no, you're not saying thank you because they're thankful. You're saying thank you because you really are thankful, and if they're not thankful, that's on them. But it's hard. You got to be true to who you are, even if the other people aren't holding up their end. That's okay. They don't have to, but you continue to be you and be kind, and harder to live by that. When they go, yep, what? Who's allowing you to be like this?

Kerri: 40:52

But that's okay, yeah he said it's a weird world. That's all I know, yeah it is a weird world.

Tracy: 41:00

Well, this is why people have to sign things when they go into restaurants, because people don't know how to be nice yes there was evidently a verbal agreement that I had to sign. I'm going to go around for the agreements from now on. Yes, I need you to sign off on this before we meet.

Mary: 41:25

Carl was a hunter and unfortunately, our neighbor died tragically and his property was part of a family owned property. He had his section of property. So when he died, his estate went to his family and so it went to his brother who lived down the road. And so, carl, he reached out to the neighbor because somebody had talked to this brother that inherited the property, that Carl could fix things and you should talk to my mechanic and that kind of a thing. And so Carl reached out to him and he said, hey, made this arrangement, this verbal arrangement, could I hunt the property in exchange for fixing things? So he started out by fixing a lawnmower like a generator, and then it was hunting season and what's, what was really nice is that it bordered our property so you could just, so he could just walk over there.

Mary: 42:23

And there was one other gentleman that had access to the property from the deceased's period of time, I guess that it was a friend of his, and so he was able to remain on the property to hunt. So there's two people, time hunting season is going by, and then all of a sudden this other man showed up to hunt the property. And so Carl calls the landowner and says, hey, what's the deal with this guy hunting? Oh, I gave him permission to hunt and Carl said that's not what we agreed to, because this man also hunts on your other, on your other property. He has access to tons of other property that that you personally own, and why does he need to come and hunt this property? So Carl said the deal is over, I don't want to hunt there anymore and I'm not fixing anything.

Tracy: 43:15

Good for Carl for following up, and I think that I might cringe a little bit and be like, oh okay, instead of calling and just clarifying the conversation and setting the boundary. Good for him, he did a great job.

Mary: 43:30

Yeah, yeah. I think that's a brave conversation to have and say that's not what we agreed with and you know, as a result, let's back out of this agreement.

Jodie: 43:40

Was the guy not a hunter? Did he not see the impact that inviting yeah, everyone can come over and haunt Did he not see that that was going to impact Carl's hunting experience?

Mary: 43:52

Evidently not. I don't know if he's a hunter or not, I don't know. I don't know what went through the man's mind to think that that was okay. You know, come one, come all, Like when you have several people on a property. You're there and you're exchanging text messages. We are here, I'm going to get out of my stand now, you know, so that you know, don't shoot me that kind of thing. So it becomes the Wild West when there's this third wheel that is not part of the group.

Tracy: 44:21

Especially if you didn't know they were there, I would guess that that other person doesn't.

Kerri: 44:26

Because when you were telling me that, I'm like trying to like think it all through and I'm like, okay, it's a safety issue, like in my mind, because I don't hunt, so I don't know, and I don't have any hunters in my family, so it's not part of my experience, right, or knowledge really, but that's what I was thinking Like, oh, that wouldn't be safe. What if he saw Carl move and shot him? That would be my concern. But you're right. And then I was thinking, well, maybe the piece of property that Carl was using is like prime property, like there's a stream that runs through it and the deer walk right through and it's the best piece of property. So of course that guy wanted to get in on it.

Mary: 45:06

Or I don't know. He was missed by it and said no, nope, I'm done with that.

Tracy: 45:13

If you had rules of engagement for yourself, what would your rule sheet say?

Kerri: 45:18

What do you mean rules for engagement?

Tracy: 45:20

Well, just like the guy did at the restaurant, he had rules of engagement. You know, split the check, you had to. You had to do all these things. What would Carrie's rules of engagement be if you made people sign off on it before they interacted with you Be?

Kerri: 45:33

a good freaking human, that would be my rule.

Jodie: 45:39

It sounds simple enough, yeah.

Mary: 45:44

I mean, isn't it the golden rule Treat others as you want to be treated. Okay.

Kerri: 45:51

I understand, like I do go out to eat occasionally and I don't always have the best. I go to stores I am a consumer, right, just like you're a consumer, and there are days that I have shitty days. I still try to treat people nice. I try not to be a jerk, but I could be a jerk and I may not be bubbly and friendly and I might even forget to say thank you, but at the end of the day, I think of that. For other people who are serving me, like I, have this positive assumption that they're bringing their best self to whatever moment they're in, and that they could have had their mom could have died, their dog could have died. I was just chatting out in a fight with someone earlier and maybe they're having a bad day.

Tracy: 46:42

So I'm just going to be as nice and as gentle as I can with them, given my day, and we'll just be the best we can for each other, and my engagement are to be the best person that you can be nice and be gentle. Those are your rules of engagement.

Kerri: 47:03

I would think so, yes.

Tracy: 47:05

I like those rules of engagement. What are yours, May?

Mary: 47:07

Would it be the golden shoe rule?

Laura: 47:09

Not the golden rule, yeah.

Jodie: 47:13

Yeah.

Mary: 47:15

Yeah, I. You know, I was on my lunch break and I went down to the workout room because I was going to do the stationary bike and the building's under construction. I thought I was running into a construction worker and I thought, well, he, probably he looks lost and maybe I'll try to help him. And so I said can I help you? But you know, I had my headset on and took them off and you know, can I? Can I help you find something? And he said, oh, I'm looking for this department. He says I'm dropping off this form. They're under construction. And I said, oh, I said I'm going to escort you upstairs because this is the basement. He's a long way from from where he needs to be. I said I'm going to take you back up to the deputy and I think there is a box where that stuff goes. The deputy should have known that. The deputy did know that because when I went up and spoke, I said is there a box where customers of this department are putting things? And he said, oh, yeah, it's right here.

Mary: 48:16

And I thought how did this man get down to the basement? I wrote up an email to my boss and I said it wasn't a matter that it was inconvenient to me that I did this because I want to. I want to be helped.

Mary: 48:29

If I were lost in a building, I would want to be helped like this, with kindness and, and escorted up in the elevator, and so I said it had nothing to do with being inconvenienced by it, but I just think we could do better with our customer service. That is how I want to be treated with basic kindness, and you know my window of tolerance, like when Kerry, you talk about like if you've had a bad day. Now I'm pretty tuned in and I know when my patience is wearing thin and so I have to work hard. If I'm in a long line and I'm irritated because I'm on my lunch hour and everybody is shopping at noon, all the retired people are shopping at noon and I am trying to get through my lunch so I can get back to my office, and so I think I need to practice patience here, and so I I tune into that and I just wish people would do the same thing and just allow some grace, take that sacred pause and be quiet.

Tracy: 49:28

That's my rule of engagement, love it. Thank you for having people sign off. Anybody else have?

Jodie: 49:34

rules of engagement. Mine is more intentionality, Like if you make a mistake, what was your intention? Were you trying to be a dick? Because if you were trying to be a dick, then you're a dick. But if you do something accidentally, because you didn't know you were doing it or because you weren't aware of the situation, then you know and I'll forgive you either way, because that's just what we're supposed to do. It's a lot easier to forgive when someone's intention isn't to be a mean person.

Mary: 50:07

That's hard to crack. I like to get into their head, and so you have to use Carrie's assumption of positive intent. Yes, that, because you can't ever know what their intention was. So, yeah, because sometimes you hope for the best.

Kerri: 50:23

I might just need to snap at someone because I've been snapped at all fricking day and you just happen to be on the receiving end of my snapping and I may not know you and I may not be able to come back and say I am so sorry, I did what I did. But if you are a person where I say something or I do something, I try to be the type of person who will come back around and say listen, I said this, I did it because of this. This is some underlying issue and some crap that I'm going through and I'm really sorry, but this is how it came out and this is how it is coming out and I'm dealing with it and I'm acknowledging it and I hope that you hear me say that that's way better than just ignoring it or being mean yeah.

Kerri: 51:17

And letting that float. I mean, nothing feels worse than walking away from something. For me, when I know that I have acted out of character or just not been able to get through something, that is permeating my brain in some loop it's not usually anxiety, it's like I get this loop and I'm still trying to figure it out. What is happening? What is going on? Why is this happening? Why did that happen? Do you think it's this? Do you think it's that?

Kerri: 51:47

I'm trying to get to the sense of things, and sometimes, in the making sense of things, I will act out of character. I know that about myself. I'm like trying to get to the truth of what's happening in my brain, instead of sometimes asking people or whatever, and in the moment, it comes off in a way that I'm not even proud of, and so I know I have to go back to people and be like this is what I met, this is where it's coming from. I love you, thank you for loving me, and this is the grace of being human that we all cycle through these moments. That are what they are.

Tracy: 52:27

I like that. I think we're ready?

Kerri: 52:31

Are we ready? Do you want to tell us how to make tea?

Tracy: 52:33

I do want to tell you how to make tea. My question is to everyone out there listening is what are your rules of engagement? Write them down, figure them out. I mean, you don't have to go as far as having people sign off on them to interact with you. But if you could have them sign off on it, what would they say? Hell, no.

Kerri: 52:54

Be a good human.

Tracy: 52:55

Be nice, be kind.

Kerri: 52:58

All right, that was it. We spilled the tea. Hello, test.