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Spill The TEA
If you missed your initiation into womanhood, you’re not alone. Truth tellers spill the tea about the misguided trappings of what it means to be a woman. Listen in as they tackle the myths and realities of being a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and friend. Find a sense of community and inspiration with these podcast creatives. You are bound to recognize yourself in their collective experiences.
Spill The TEA
Rising Above Life's Challenges: The Art of Personal Growth and Community Connection
What if the simple act of "rising" could change the trajectory of your life? In our latest episode of Spill the Tea, we unravel the empowering notion of rising above life's adversities and embracing new opportunities with authenticity and quiet strength. Through personal stories and reflections, we navigate the metaphorical mud, exploring how overcoming challenges like divorce, job loss, and grief can fortify us with resilience and prepare us for future hurdles. We delve into the societal pressures we face and how choosing self-empowerment can lead us to our truest selves.
Through shared experiences, we highlight the therapeutic power of community, particularly women's groups, which offer a haven for support and healing. With a nod to Brene Brown, we dive into self-reflection and the importance of understanding our emotions and priorities to improve our well-being.
Loneliness is an invisible epidemic, but this episode sheds light on how community can be a powerful antidote. We discuss the shifting dynamics in how men and women build connections, noting the generational differences in attitudes toward personal relationships. From virtual platforms to traditional gatherings, we consider how family connections and genuine friendships can offer solace in our increasingly digital world. Concluding on a hopeful note, we emphasize the lessons learned from adversity, encouraging listeners to find the good and grow through life's challenges. Join us for a heartfelt conversation that inspires you to rise, reflect, and reclaim your power.
Grab a warm drink and join us- we saved a seat for you. Don't forget to stay updated with Spill the TEA by following us on Facebook at Women Gathering and Growing with TEA or on Instagram at Grow with TEA.
Welcome back to Spill the Tea, everyone. We decided today that we were going to talk about the word rise, which is the theme to our upcoming retreat, and so we were tasked with coming to this conversation thinking about what that word means to each of us. So anyone have any thoughts? I have a couple of thoughts.
Mary:Okay. So when I was thinking about rising, I initially thought it was rising from the ashes of something, something that happened to me, something, some adversity that happened to me and I was rising from that. And then, as I thought about it further, I thought, oh, it could be rising to something, to a challenge. It further, I thought, oh, it could be rising to something, to a challenge. And so when I think about rising from the ashes or from a challenge or adversity, that is something that's happened to me and that I need to get through, Like the adversity of a divorce, the adversity divorce, the um adversity did I say diverse diversity.
Jodie:Adversity of you could have a diverse divorce, or diversity of divorces in my case.
Mary:So let's keep it in there when there's more than one it's yeah, and they're diverse divorces.
Tracy:That could almost be a book, oh gosh.
Mary:I like that. So adversity like rising out of debt and adversity like getting a notice that a layoff or loss of a job, and so then rising to a challenge feels more optional to me. That I'm going to rise to the challenge of I want to get this promotion, and then all of the challenges that come along with that of meeting those outcomes and expectations from being in that new position. Rising to the challenge of being the board president of the Cornell Cooperative Extension and rising to the challenge of speaking in front of the entire board of supervisors for the county. So those are the things that I feel like I'm choosing to do, as opposed to rising from adversity where something has happened to me and it feels like I have less control over that.
Eryn:Perhaps from what you've learned from. Rising from situations has taught you how to rise to occasions. It's given you that strength that you need to persevere through situations that are tough, but also situations that you want to rise to. I would completely agree with that. I think of rise as you rise from different difficulties in your life that you know you talked about. There's different hardships that each of us face that can be incredibly challenging, that our lived experiences can help us manage and, you know, persevere through. So I really like how you talked about rising from and rising to and the difference that those bring to the table, but also how your experience changes throughout your life.
Jodie:I love that, Mary, I didn't even think of something rising to when you guys came up with this and I heard it. I'm thinking oh yeah, rising from, you know, rising from the ashes, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes right, that was the only place my brain went. The thing I wanted to say about that is that because, Aaron, you were talking about our different life experiences when we use those experiences that we've been through and the adversities that we've had to help another person, I think that that's a beautiful, beautiful thing, and I think that's what we're all called to do is to help other people get through the situations that we've been through. But I also love the idea of rising to something, because sometimes things are too painful to even think about, sometimes so rising from them you don't even want to face. But we could all rise to something and we should all be rising to something, Do you think the phoenix could be imagery for rising to as well?
Tracy:I?
Kerri:had something that's kind of a little different that came up today and I thought it really spoke to me, contemplating the word rise. What I heard was sometimes so we talked about rising being usually from something that happened right, whether it's a problem or something, it's usually a problem. I'm just gonna say that. Or I don't know, maybe not always, but in my mind a problem seems most accurate. But it said that sometimes the problem and the solution are not of the same frequency, and so I got to thinking about that. And what did that really mean?
Kerri:And I was thinking about how sometimes, when there is something that's a problem or something has happened, often the thing I want to do is like bark back or have a response or be loud about something, because it usually feels like an injustice or something I don't agree with, and we all know I want to be right.
Kerri:So I was thinking that over time, what I know that is true for me is that that frequency usually when something is wrong or something has happened to come back with that same frequency which is usually something that happened, probably out of someone's fear, or isn't the right frequency to come back to attack something with. And then I really was thinking about the course of my life and the things that I thought I had to rise to, mary, and I was thinking that those things are probably the things that I thought I had to rise to, mary, and I was thinking that those things are probably the things I did the quietest. They weren't loud, they weren't, they were quiet and they were me just like knowing the truth of what's true for me and doing what needed to be done.
Eryn:That's so powerful. I love that interpretation. I love that interpretation. I also wanted to come back with what I was thinking about, for Rise is I took it very literally. Sometimes I'm a very literal person, so thinking about Rising, standing up. As women, we're often put in a cookie cutter shaped small box that we can fit in. You have to be this pretty, you have to do this, you have to talk in this way. This is what you should do for your job, and if you look like this, that's not okay. So, instead of sitting in that small box, standing up, rising and being your own person and being yourself is kind of where I saw this topic being. I just love how open to interpretation the word rise is.
Tracy:Well, in addition to loving the diversity of divorces, I also love the diversity of the way people are talking about rise. To play off what Erin was saying, I also was thinking a little bit of like the glass ceiling and rising above that, rising through it, but then also rising up, like just even the simple rising up in the morning and how. I don't know if you're like me, I don't like jump out of bed. Rising is a challenge. But I think that that is a good metaphor for like rising is a challenge. It's not something I'm just like. I want to rise, I'm comfortable, I'm cozy, I'm warm, and it really has to be. It has to be the coffee has to be good. The motivation has to be either so bad or so good that it requires a response from me to make me rise up. Does that make sense?
Mary:So the morning that we're going to do the retreat. So we've had two retreats so far. Are you ready to rise that morning?
Tracy:Oh, hell, yeah, yeah because it's good enough. The coffee's good. Laura's always got the coffee done. The coffee is good, the company is good, the activity is good. Then I'm ready to rise. But if it's like a random Monday where I was all cuddled up and snuggly, it was very difficult.
Eryn:Especially Monday mornings. I feel like that's such a big Testament. You hear the phrase Sunday scaries about going into the new work week If you work Monday through Friday, but I feel like Monday morning is like the perfect Testament to. Oh, do I really want to rise up out of bed today?
Mary:Yeah, that makes me think of the phrase rise and shine.
Tracy:Yeah, sunday scaries. What the hell is that?
Eryn:You've never heard that before? Oh, never. I'm definitely a victim of the Sunday scaries. It's really just a phrase about being I don't know anxious about the work week to come and Sunday is the day like Saturday, oh, let's go do things that you know, go out to dinner, let's go out to eat, but then Sunday night you're like man, I really don't want to do any of that. I'm thinking about going to work tomorrow. So yeah, sunday scaries new term phrase for you guys to use.
Kerri:Thanks, that's a new way for us to be hip. I guess I don't really think that much about rising in the morning, I just do I'm a morning person well recently.
Kerri:So I've had some health stuff going on, but I've been getting up at five o'clock like I just get up. I don't have an alarm, I don't, I'm just like I'm up, I'm gonna get up on my day and I. But I've also been going to bed earlier, which is not like me either. We're so old, like what is wrong with me? I am a night person. People, grandmother, my grandmother.
Mary:It's because you're reading. You're reading before bed.
Kerri:I went to bed at 11 o'clock last night. That didn't seem too early, but there was some times it was like 9 o'clock and I was like I'm going to bed.
Eryn:Terry, I'm like that too, I'm 25. Okay, thank you.
Tracy:I used to have a macaw that would yell yeah, get up, get up, because aaron does not like to rise in the morning especially as a teenager.
Eryn:I did not like to rise in the morning, so that was his favorite phrase aaron, get up. So maybe that's why I have Sunday scaries.
Tracy:It's not Rocco's fault that you have Sunday anxiety.
Eryn:I don't know. It might be. I wanted to ask.
Brooke:Brooke if she had any input about what the word rise means to her. I would say the word rise means to me just getting back up after you've fallen down. Depending on how you get back up, I feel like that is really what the word rise means to me, because you can either stay falling down and you can stay in the muck and the gook and all of that stuff, or you can use that and help you rise up again.
Kerri:Makes me think of another phrase. I say a lot. You have to know what you don't want, to know what you do. So sometimes, even in that that's like a blessing, like, oh, I don't want this, I know what I do want, but what I do know for sure is this is not it, and that sometimes is what helps you get to the truth of it all, I guess, or the rising, is it maybe?
Jodie:Can I tell you I love that interpretation of it because it's so true. So often we get stuck in the muck and the mire and we have to remember that it's our choice to rise up. It's our choice to stay stuck in where we are and maybe sometimes we need that. Maybe we need to do that for a little while, but then it is our choice when we rise and how we rise and that we rise.
Brooke:It's important that we do rise eventually. No-transcript.
Eryn:And I think it's okay to play in the mud for a little while, you know, especially if it was a big fall, if it was a big situation.
Brooke:I think that sometimes the mud has lessons to teach you, and there's a lot of shadow work that can be done in the mud. There's just a lot that you can figure out about things that have happened in your life that can happen while you're in the mud. So the mud is definitely sometimes a good place to be, but it's how you get out of the mud and rising back up, agree, I agree, definitely Care to share how they rose out of the mud like a lotus.
Jodie:I will share my story with you. I'm kind of still stuck in the mud. So my mom died eight weeks ago today and, shame on me, I've not gotten thank you notes out yet. So did you know you have to write thank you notes when people send flowers? And yeah, that's a real thing. So my brain wasn't going there, but obviously my brain was stuck in the muck. But I'm getting better and I rose up today and went to my dad's and went through all the cards and you know, write down all the things and I'm in the process of doing those. So it's been tough. I've been playing in the mud for a few weeks but, yeah, I feel like I'm trying to rise and move on.
Tracy:There's no judgment, I think, for the amount of time that you need to be in the mud, I think that that's okay. I think that it's different for anybody and for every different situation.
Kerri:I think it's different I do too, that's what I was going to say. Sending handwritten thank you notes is a social construct that someone designed that we don't have to follow, and so, like when you were saying you thanked all of us before we got on here, that you wanted all of our addresses and you were going to send us all like that isn't necessary and I think people who know you are grieving the last thing that they want is for you to stress about sending them a handwritten thank you note.
Jodie:I understand that, but a friend of mine pointed it out and she's absolutely correct. Well, people want to make sure that it was received. If they sent a contribution to hospice or whatever, they just want to know that it was received.
Kerri:You should know that hospice will send them something. Oh, they will yes.
Jodie:Oh good, that's probably why we haven't gotten anything back from hospice and Jodi, have you ever given somebody a card yourself and been like they?
Eryn:better write me a thank you card.
Jodie:Never, never.
Eryn:Exactly, think about it in that way. Think about that perspective Like you don't give somebody a card, like if I don't get a thank you Never again. With the card, if I don't get a
Tracy:thank you. Then what am I going to do? I mean, Erin, I get that and I love that, but I do know people that keep track whether or not they got a thank you, so I get that.
Kerri:But are those people that you want?
Eryn:in your life.
Brooke:I feel like that's a difference between the ages, though, because those are probably like older people that are getting mad, whereas me, if I get a letter in the mail that's like a thank you note, I'm like, oh what is this like exactly.
Jodie:See how it excites you. That's exactly you know why I want to send thank you. Well, that is a beautiful.
Tracy:Let's talk about yeah, let's talk about self-care and radical self-care, and I know the terms of radical self-care. Where should we prioritize them? Maybe I get you want to do it, I know.
Mary:Well, and maybe Jodi will feel better. Yeah, that's just.
Kerri:I think of the process I think if that's what you want to do. When you think it's important, you should. And if you find joy in thinking about them opening up your handwritten note, that's even better and that makes you feel good. I'm just saying do it because you're doing what makes you feel good, not because you feel like it's something you have to do because someone else told you that.
Jodie:Carrie, I love that, and if I could live my life that way, I would be so much less stressed.
Kerri:I'd like you to try.
Jodie:I'm going to try, but it's probably not going to work.
Tracy:Hey, jodi. So I'm going to share with you my favorite strategy for when I'm faced with something I absolutely do not, cannot want to, there's, no, no way. I just don't want to do it. Don't want to do it, can't. Stuck in the mud, miserable, and it is from Mary's favorite movie with Bill Murray and it's baby steps and I say it in my head over and over baby steps.
Jodie:I forgot all about the baby steps. I love that baby stepping to the elevator. I love that movie.
Kerri:I thought you were going to say I wear red.
Tracy:No, that's when I'm coming in with a bat. I don't need to take a baby step. I probably need to take a step back.
Mary:That's when she's rising to the challenge.
Jodie:Not from her walk when she's wearing red, but I can't keep up so you should always have red on, even if it's just a bra or your underwear. Always wear red. Just be that powerful woman every day she takes a lot of energy oh, do you have red on right now?
Tracy:no, no, I I was interviewing kids today. I have on a blue shirt. Well, joy, I love that you shared that that's you know, something that you've risen from and are rising from. I think we're always in some sort of state of rising.
Jodie:I honestly don't think I could have gotten as far as I have without amazing friends like you guys, so I just thank you all. I have a beautiful community.
Eryn:That reflects on you. You have to remember that too.
Kerri:Here's a question for everyone. So when you are in the mud, so to speak, what are the things that you do to help yourself get out of the mud? Like, what is your self-care?
Tracy:I usually call somebody. I have a lot of ants, automatic negative thoughts, so I usually have to call somebody and have them help me get out of my head and get out of those thought loops so that I can move forward. So I'll ruminate on something like a dog with a bone and sometimes I just can't get out of that by myself. So I'll have to call somebody that I know can fact check with me. Is this true? Is this the most gracious assumption?
Jodie:Yeah, I did that earlier this week, didn't I, Tracy? Thank you for that, by the way, for getting me out of my head.
Tracy:I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to have help getting out of their head.
Eryn:For me. I call my mom, who just said she calls other people Because I do the exact same thing as she does. And something else that helps me, which Mary would love, is I like to make mental lists. What is something that needs to be done this exact moment and what can I prioritize to be doing a different day so that I can take care of myself in this time where I am feeling stuck in the mud, and everybody knows Mary loves a good list.
Kerri:So, mary, my response I think you'll love too, because I really think that what I tend to embrace is the shitty first draft, which is, of course, a Brene Brownie. When I'm stuck in my head, I usually like say the mean awful thing I want to say. I write it down or I try to say the nice thing I want to say in the nicest way I can in the moment. But I don't say those things until I've let some time pass and I can really think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. So I don't come off like a crass asshole in the moment and I really do try to think about it when I want to say something to someone. And sometimes in that process what I've realized is I actually cannot say it to people. I have to send them my written words.
Mary:I self-reflect in that manner as well. I don't know. I ask myself if this is the story I'm making up. You know what are the facts, what do I know, what don't I know, and always make sure I know the difference between that. I'm usually just in my head, trying to figure it out. I do ruminate on some things, but otherwise I think is this something I want? Does it rise to the level that I need to address it, or am I fine with just letting it go?
Tracy:I did one of Brene's classes through CourageWorks so I keep these questions and the kids will call me and share something about work and so I have them on my phone so I can send them this list of questions that help unpack a shitty first draft. So I'll just kind of buzz through them real quick in case somebody's taking notes and they're like I have never heard these, mary, you hit on a bunch of them. They are what do I need to learn and understand about the situation and what are the absolute facts, fact checking? The second question is what more do I need to learn and understand about the people in the story besides me? The third one is what more do I need to learn about myself in this situation? What is underneath my response and what am I feeling?
Tracy:The fourth one is what part did I play? The fifth one is what were the stories I told myself? What conspiracies and confabulations did I tell myself? Anything that's not provable, that is not a fact goes here. Six is what are three things this situation can teach me? And seven what is the brave new ending? Next step, based on what I've just learned from this experience? Those are not ours, those are not T's, those are Brene's from Courage Works class that I took.
Tracy:They're a little bit more extensive than what she puts in the book and those are the ones that I generally send to the young adults in my life when they are spewing work-related stories, don't you think that goes to anything, though Not just work-related? Oh yeah it goes to anything but just the age of my kids. Right now, when they call me with a crisis, it's generally because something at work.
Kerri:I was thinking about the ruminating part, and usually that ruminating part for me is like a trigger that I'm missing information. And if I can't find the information, like if I just can't get to a place in my head, it's usually why I'm like writing something down, because I can't find the truth, telling myself some stupid story, and it's better to just talk to someone, find out the truth, hear someone else's side or opinion, no, but I can be like, oh okay, I get it now. Now I can make the story make sense, like as humans we know that's what we want to do. We want to make stories make sense and when we lack information they don't make sense.
Tracy:Those conspiracies- and confabulations that you make up I love that word confabulations those conspiracies and confabulations that you make up I love that word confabulations.
Mary:They're not usually based in truth. You're like filling in the blank. It's like Mad Libs.
Tracy:Yes, that is a very powerful rising tool, especially if you are so hooked or especially if you're angry and you can't get out of anger. That is a good way to just like because the shitty first draft you're just spewing it all out. Great way to just like because the shitty first draft.
Mary:You're just spewing it all out. Great way to rise. Have you ever heard the phrase that humans are feeling? Beings that sometimes think? Yes, that's.
Tracy:Dr Jill Bolte-Taylor.
Kerri:Okay, that's interesting. Which do you think is better, the thinking or the feeling Doesn't matter. That's how we're wired. Yeah, I personally feel like the thinking often gets me in trouble. The feeling is usually never wrong.
Tracy:Well, yeah, because feelings are never wrong, even if they're ones. Maybe you don't like the feeling, but it's not wrong. It's the feeling you're feeling. So you can either deny it and work on it later when it pops back up with an evil, nasty friend, or you can acknowledge it and do the shadow work or the mud work you need to do.
Tracy:I am this week listened to a really great piece of a podcast. I didn't have the time to listen to the whole one and I don't remember the guy's name whose podcast it is, so I'm not going to do a great job at citing it for people to find. But he was talking about trauma and how, when we experience some type of trauma, it opens a door in our mind and we're able to access different feelings that without the trauma we wouldn't have been able to access. So he's not saying trauma is good, he's saying trauma is a pathway to access deeper and more feeling. So I think that that was a really interesting way to look at it.
Tracy:I always have loved Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. He says that which does not kill me makes me stronger, and there's been a lot of pushback on that, but this quote kind of really resonated with me in that same way that the trauma was necessary to experience that next level of emotion that allows you to have that bigger story, that bigger story, but different story. That allows you to feel the bigger feelings, because that's the human experience.
Kerri:Yeah, it's kind of the same thing. I was saying, like you have to know what you don't want, to know what you do Like you don't know. None of us want to go through trauma, but when you go through it you know that's not what you want. You want something better and more beautiful than that.
Eryn:I would do. Sometimes you have to fall down in the mud, take some time in the mud and rise up from that situation. So I I think both of those quotes very much tie into the theme of the retreat this year.
Brooke:You have to go through the storm to see the rainbow.
Tracy:Nobody chooses the storm. Nobody wakes up one morning and is like man.
Brooke:It's a lovely day to take a walk in this nice storm.
Kerri:I do have to say I do love a good thunderstorm.
Jodie:Me too, carrie, as long as it's just a real thunderstorm and not a hurricane A shit storm. I'm sick of shit storms.
Mary:I'll take the thunderstorm, something with a name when it rises to the level of a name? Yeah.
Tracy:Oh yeah, when it has a name or what the hell is thundersnow. We're up in the Northeast and all of a sudden this last year I heard the word thunder snow several times on the television. We live in buffalo.
Eryn:You haven't heard thunder snow.
Tracy:You haven't heard thunder during a snowstorm I've never heard the term thunder snow and I think until this year I've never actually heard thunder snow oh, I will say I've never heard that term and I've never heard thunder while it's snowing, so I didn't know that that was a natural occurrence, yeah.
Jodie:It happens.
Tracy:Buffalo. Only it's just over Buffalo that I believe. Well, I think.
Mary:I drove through a thunderstorm yesterday from your house, Tracy.
Tracy:It was gross With thundersnow, though Like thunderstorm, I guess.
Mary:I was driving, there could have been thunder, oh yeah.
Kerri:When a cold front pushes through, that's what causes the thunder, right? So if the air is warmer than the cold front coming in, there's thunder.
Jodie:I think if I ever heard thunder during the winter, I just chalked it up to a loud truck driving by my house Snowplow or something.
Mary:Yeah. So I just heard somebody use a term a squirrel in traffic and I think that is just what happened. You ever seen a squirrel in traffic? They're like all over the place. I just think we just, I think this conversation just did that.
Tracy:I don't know.
Brooke:I think thund, thunder snow has a lot to do with rising. You do no. Is this us showing we have like adhd?
Eryn:weathermen and weatherwomen to the retreat to talk about thunder snow. It's actually our keynote speaker about thundersnow this year.
Kerri:Okay, I'm going to bring us back around. Someone help. How do you guys think that by attending the retreat we would help other women rise?
Tracy:I think there's some events that are meant for different things, right. So there's, you know, things I do for work and professional development that are generally meant towards leadership and growth. But I think the retreat, for me, has always been a place where women can come and be in community to heal, and I think rising is part of that healing and I think, recognizing that it's cyclical, just like the Phoenix, that there are times when you're in the ashes and times that you're not, and then you're coming up back around, and that's always going to happen I really feel like the retreat is is the premier place to do that and a safe place to do that in community with other women.
Brooke:I definitely agree on that, because I feel like when a lot of women are in the mock, they feel like they're alone. So this retreat, like you said, it brings community and that's the biggest part of getting out of the mock is finding like-minded people to talk through it and to it. I'm calling it diversity divorce.
Mary:I love you guys.
Kerri:It was.
Mary:You know, my story is that I was in the depths of my despair and I got a phone call to join a women's group and I said yes, and it changed my life, it changed my trajectory. It's led me to this group of women and that's why I believe so strongly in the retreat and bringing women together in community, because healing took place, lessons were learned, I was uplifted, I was held. That is what community can do for you.
Kerri:I have to tell you guys, I'm like holding in laughs because you're calling it diverse. What were you calling it, mary Adversity? I'm like what am I in Singlocity?
Mary:What is my?
Kerri:word.
Mary:I think you're close single.
Jodie:I like that have you ever thought what if? What if he didn't cheat on you? What if you were still married to him? What if, when you got that call hey, do you want to join this women's group? You were so busy in a happy marriage that you said no, I don't have time for that right now.
Kerri:I've never been married, Jodi.
Jodie:Oh no, I said Mary. Oh, mary, Mary. I'm so sorry. If I said Mary, it was a total accident. I meant Mary, not me. Don't marry me off.
Mary:Jodi, I'd like to think I would still say yes, just because I didn't have a community of close friendships. I don't even believe that I wouldn't feel like I needed it if I were happy in a marriage, because I am happy in a marriage now and I still need a community.
Tracy:I still would have called Mary too, because I wasn't calling her to tell her what she thought I was calling to tell her. I was calling her because she rode my bus when I was little and I thought she was fun and she was always at my brother's stuff, so we would have fun when we were at those types of things together, yeah, so her ex-husband and my first husband were good friends, so that was the reason I was calling.
Jodie:I think, if you didn't answer the call at that time, that you would have found community in another way, because you're so good at the whole community thing bringing people together and bringing out the best in people and I think that if it hadn't been that group that you would have joined, you would have found another way to give back to your community for sure.
Eryn:Maybe I was talking a lot about lived experience, and I think that that's a really big part of our group is that we come as we are, which we have a very big sign that we use at each retreat that says come as you are. And what we do is we invite women to come as they are, enter our space and share their lived experiences with each other for support and community and just compassion to help them process their traumas and process how they are in the mud or how they are maybe in the ashes, rising as a phoenix, and I just think that it's so incredible that we are able to do this year after year and still make it magical For me.
Tracy:I think that communities of women are bringing women together is an important aspect of the feminine experience. I think we heal in community, I think we grow in community, and until we pass that down to our daughters, so that they can pass it down to their daughters, we're going to have an epidemic of loneliness, and I think that's what we were experiencing before we got T. Together was an epidemic of loneliness.
Mary:Tracy, it's funny that you say that, because I just thought of the Surgeon General's warning that we are in a health crisis. In loneliness is the health crisis.
Eryn:It is. I see patients in my line of work very, very regularly who could definitely benefit from community and who definitely have dealt with loneliness and sadness and nobody to discuss those experiences with. So I definitely am seeing it from a firsthand perspective from the patients that I'm seeing and also Brooke and I are in a different generation and I also think that social media and cell phones and other advancements in our generation have made it really easy to be connected but also lonely. There's a difference between connecting with somebody on a personal level and following them on Instagram or sending them a Snapchat once a day. It's a lot different than having a true connection with somebody. So I feel like there is an epidemic of loneliness at all ages, but there's definitely some processing and learning that needs to be done in our generation specifically.
Mary:I was just listening to a podcast that was talking about the Surgeon General's comment about loneliness, and they said that Gen Z, what is the youngest right now? Gen Z.
Eryn:Gen Z is not technically the youngest. I think they started another. Is it Gen Alpha, but Gen Z?
Jodie:is probably.
Eryn:Brooke and I are between millennial and Gen Z, but I think we're technically Gen Z, Okay, the oldest. So that's Gen Z and online and it goes down to probably elementary ages.
Mary:The statistic was is that more than 70% of Gen Zs are lonely.
Tracy:Like Erin said, you can be connected, but you're not creating community. There's a difference between being connected and being in community, and there's also a huge difference of being online which we were so isolated in, you know, just a few years ago than to actually be sitting around the table.
Kerri:I have a question for you guys, just because I'm really thinking about it being the mom, being a mom and having a son. So if that statistic about loneliness is accurate, what do you? How are men building community?
Eryn:They play video games. I think that it's a little bit different, but a lot of men our age jump on their headset and they play video games with their friends and they talk over their headset. It's the same way that I'd call you up, Carrie, and chat for hours, but it's different because they disguise it with video games, but they're still getting social interaction.
Brooke:Yeah, I honestly don't think men have a way that they can find community like we offer or women have at the retreat and just in community centers, like. Yeah, like Erin said, there are a lot of them that go on Discord or these games together and you have some that are in different niches and some that you know are sporty or like to go to the gym. But once you take those very small public interactions and go away, majority of it is through social media I would feel like I think I see a trend with men happening.
Tracy:What happened to women is women left the home and went to work. We lost our community and our circles and I really feel like men up until this generation had a lot of fraternal things that they would do. They would go out and they'd be Masons or they'd be in the Legion, they would be in the VFW. There was a lot of men's leagues. I think older guys still do that kind of stuff, but I think somewhere between that older generation of guys like 60s and 50s, and our younger guys in the 20s, they're not refilling those fraternal groups. There's a missing chunk of guys there. I could be wrong.
Mary:They're doing what we think. It's not a topic. I don't think we can speak on?
Tracy:I don't either. I'm not a guy.
Kerri:I often am not sure if a lot of the men I know have community.
Jodie:And I just say that I think that the men that I know they're wired differently. They get together, they have community, but it's not so much a feelings thing, as I don't know. They drink beer and they watch sports. Right, that's the guy thing to do.
Tracy:There's a lot of sports watching.
Jodie:There's a lot of sports watching and a lot of beer drinking and a lot of game playing. That's how they can connect without using the words that they are connecting with other men.
Mary:I'm going to say I know what I learned in my studies in sociology was that when you have an older man, older woman couple, when the husband dies, the wife is surrounded by close friendships and can live for many more years. But the opposite is not true. When you have the husband and the wife dies, it's because they do not have close friendships and they will die shortly after the woman.
Brooke:So sad.
Mary:That's horrible Mary.
Jodie:That's not the information that I needed. It was called sociology.
Mary:It was called sociology of aging.
Jodie:It's a public service announcement. You're absolutely right, though. You're absolutely right. If my mom would have gone last, she would have grieved my dad and she would have moved on and she's got all of her female friend groups that would have gotten her through the situation. But with my dad being of that generation too, he's not going to say that he's hurting, he's not going to reach out and form, you know, relationships with other people. That it's just not going to happen. He's going to drink beer and watch sports with my husband.
Mary:Well, he has Joe.
Jodie:I think they're downstairs right now doing all of that.
Mary:Well, that warms my heart, Jodi. I'm so glad he's there.
Tracy:Yeah, he is. I'm, so glad he's there.
Jodie:Yeah, we spend lots of time with dad now.
Mary:Oh, that's so great.
Jodie:Yeah, it is.
Kerri:It is great. What do we think? How do we want to tell people to make tea?
Mary:this week. Have you thought about it, tracy, since you're usually the tea crafter?
Eryn:yeah, I feel like you could talk about identifying a situation that you've been in in the past, where you were in the mud and how you rose from that situation and what you learned from the situation.
Tracy:I think I like that, erin. I think how to make tea is doing a SFD, is doing the shitty first draft, because we went into a deep dive on it and seeing if it can help somebody rise, because that was a tool we talked about.
Jodie:I like that, erin, not only how you rose, but what you learned from that, because I think that there's a lot of learning that we do when we are in the muck, and it's important to realize that and find the good, find that silver lining that comes with each of these clouds, and focus on that instead of focusing on the negative.
Brooke:I think it's important too, because once you figure out those tools that you have, that got you through the muck the first time in future lessons to be learned, and anytime you go through the muck again you can reapply those lessons that you learned.
Eryn:Right. You add those tools to your tool belt and you learn how to rise maybe faster, more efficient in the future and you help other people do the same.
Jodie:That's good.
Mary:Perfect Puzzle pieces. We spilled the tea.
Kerri:Oh yeah, Thank you.
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